I was Not Touched by Adoption and Other Final NAAM Thoughts

Friend speaks my mind.

Red Thread Broken

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Some of you have probably seen this optional Facebook profile picture template used by people in your personal networks to promote November as National Adoption Month and National Adoption Awareness Month (NAAM). I have seen adoptees and adoptive parents alike with this border, but I will not put this overlay on my profile picture. I have been undoubtedly affected by adoption, but I would never say that “I am touched by adoption.” Adoption pulled, tugged, and dragged me across the world without asking me. Adoption demanded that my core identity, family, and nationality change. Adoption forces me to live a life in question of basic information like my birthdate, place, name, and medical history. People would not say that individuals have been “touched” by home foreclosure, refugee status, or other forms of displacement, and it doesn’t make sense in the context of adoption, either. Using positive rhetoric, like “I am touched…

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I Cannot/I Can

I've decided to return to India, to follow Arun and Anjali's advice to attempt to confront the woman they found, who denies, as is her prerogative, any relation to me. I cannot control the outcome of a potential meeting. I cannot control whether or not this woman is related to me. I cannot control if … Continue reading I Cannot/I Can

In the land where adoption is win-win-win

Thanks TAO. Reminders of the persistence of harmful ways to frame adoption, particularly to those who have been adopted.

The adopted ones blog

An article was posted that had Tummy Mommy in the title, I knew I should avoid it, the title told me it would make me upset. I clicked anyway. Dumb, dumb idea.

I read it. I read it right to the bitter end.

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They Say I Look Like Her

Resemblance is a strange concept. It overflows with subjectivity, devoid of neutrality or impartiality. Colored and formed in the image of past experiences. Reliant upon availability heuristics. They say I look like her. I don't know how to understand that phrase. What does it mean to see yourself in others or them in yourself if … Continue reading They Say I Look Like Her

Fragile.

Less than an hour after the brief Skype conversation with Arun and Anjali the advertised email with a handful of pictures pings into my meticulously curated inbox. I hate having unread messages in my inbox, it feels like dishes pilled on the counter, calling for attention, guilt by neglect. The normal nag of this red … Continue reading Fragile.

To Reunion or Not

Months ago, in therapy, I told Dr. R that I had some emotional fantasies about reunion allowing me to close a chapter in my life. Allowing me to move on to the rest of my life, clean and simple. In some ways not pursuing reunion feels like it is holding me back. Not being in … Continue reading To Reunion or Not

Some Update

Monday, May 28, 2018 5:37am - Missed call from Arun Dohle I'm usually awake by 5:00am or just thereafter. I don't normally get up, I'll let my alarm go off a few times, tap snooze, and just lay there, eyes closed, often times dreading the day ahead. I always toggle the ringer on before laying … Continue reading Some Update

Fantasies, Travel and More

I’m sitting on a train right now, headed south towards Delhi. My cousin is next to me and the train is pretty full. We’ve just spent about 8 days in the Himalayan foothills and are getting ready to fly out on the 6th and 7th. It’s been mostly a mixed trip for me. I haven’t … Continue reading Fantasies, Travel and More

Preparations

Today, I prepared for my impending trip to India by watching Black Mirror and unpacking wedding gifts that I purchased and were sent to me instead of the couples. I feel like the companies that do registries should have given me the option to have it sent to the couple and not me. Now I … Continue reading Preparations

Shit.

Search. Searching. What a strange looking word. What a strange process. What is the purpose? Why does it matter? What am I searching for? Is it a person? Is it a feeling? Is it certainty? Do I even want to find people? What would it be like to find someone? What if I don't find … Continue reading Shit.