I started writing about adoption because I wanted to reflect on my own experiences. I wanted to explore them more thoroughly. I also wanted to hear what other people thought. I had a seemingly primal human inclination at heart. I wanted to know if there were other people “like” me, who had similar experiences.
I’m sure this entry has been written a bazillion times, but I’ll make it a bazillion and one.
When people, whether they have experienced adoption in their life or not, write about adoption as if my experience was the same as theirs I become very frustrated. For example I find it incredibly frustrating when people write about the emotional trauma associated with adoption, a frequent topic, as if we, those who were adopted, all had the same experience!
Guess what? We didn’t.
In fact, I haven’t met anyone or read about anyone who has had a very similar experience to me. And most adoption stories I hear differ greatly. SOME commanilities exist, but each person takes their own perspective to what it means. The circumstances in which someone was adopted play a HUGE role in how those who are adopted feel about being adopted. For some it causes more pain and others it does not seem very relevant to their life. Another factor is each individual’s idea of family. What it means to them to be family. How family is created and legitimized in their minds. Their access to their personal records. The way that their adoptive family has treated them and whether or not they feel part of that family had incredibly strong implications for how people feel about adoption.
Please write about your experiences with adoption.
Please voice your opinion when you believe something needs to be changed or is going well.
Please talk with others and share your experiences.
But please do not presume your experiences have been had by others.
Please write with an open-mind. If you’ve had a bad experience, don’t condemn others because of it. If you’ve had a good experience don’t make others feel they are inadequate.
Share your experiences, be heard, listen to others and help support them regardless if they’ve had a similar experience to you.
The mere fact that someone is adopted does not ensure they will feel a certain way. Adoption is a strong factor in shaping identity, but it inof itself is not an identity!